History of The Postmortem?

[Krypto]

Good Day fellow Posty brethren

I have been ever curious as to the seed which gave birth to ye Posty. In what year was it formed? and I assume it was indeed created through the meeting of Daedalus and Daedalon. Perhaps paths did cross intentionally, through venturing onto the PlanetBlood or indeed Lith forums as your zeal for Blood was extortinate, which created the initiative to seek out others who shared the same passion for our beloved game.

I feel the creation of a new thread for such a topic is a necessity, given I have not seen one before it, unless my eye hath skipped it then do pardon me. Also, I would prefer not to trawl through eons of dusty posts in order to make this discovery. I'd prefer to hear fresh words on the matter.

Now then, let the tale begin!

[Le Babe]

I think the three Ds met on the BLood forums, and transfusion forums perhaps, and Posty was created in 200- perhaps... An interesting subject, everyone should share their experience about how they discovered The Postmortem.

Personaly, I had a keen desire to dive back into the old shooters I enjoyed playing when I was younger and never really explored much because I had no PC at home. This happenned in 2008. I remembered Duke 3D, Witchaven 2 and I played a tiny bit of Blood in my youth (as a gore lover already I was really impressed by Blood). I heard about Shadow Warrior and Redneck Rampage but I never could find them and try those...

So I got all these old games and I played them all. And...Blood, simply Blood, all the others were great but Blood did just absorbed my soul. Then I seeked on the internet for lots of infos on the game, to buy original copies, know about all the secrets of the game and all, and I discovered the old Postmortem site and decided to join its forums since it was filled with Bloodites and there were tons of infos on Blood in here.

So, Posty member from the end of 2008 as far as I know.

[NAto]

Daedalon started this forum by himself in 2004. Weird to think it's over 6 years old already

[Daedolon]

I think the three Ds met on the BLood forums, and transfusion forums perhaps, and Posty was created in 200- perhaps... An interesting subject, everyone should share their experience about how they discovered The Postmortem.

I'm in for that, go wild guessing and writing your own stories. I'll reveal more later.

[Krypto]

200-

Posty has existed since 235 BC as a secret society where initiation into the cult involved proving unconditional devotion to the Dreaming God, through sacrificial ceremony in which one organ would be offered.

[Le Babe]

I meant 2006...one would have guessed if one knew the french keyboard.

[Krypto]

I was aware of your intention Le Babe, yet I couldn't help but grasp the opportunity to make a joke

[Le Babe]

Tell us about how you discovered Posty dear Wolf.

[Krypto]

I honestly cannot recall it's discovery my good man, I appreciate your kind sentiment

In all earnesty from the foggy etches lingering within the back of my enigmatic mind. I literally stumbled across Blood when viewing 'Gamespot' around 8 to 9 years ago (yes nearly a decade!). It was just through coincidence that it happened to feature as a 'Retrogame look back' and I am incapable of rendering any mention of my first experience with sweet Blood. I do not think this is related to how far back the memory was, but rather a possible indication that their may not have been any dear hearted memories at the time. For you see, I perceive from experience that when an event can be attributed to happiness and joy, I find it easier to recall.

That is not to say the discovery of Blood was not outstanding. In observing the breath taking capability to achieve the feat of quintessential game design, but rather perhaps it was a time that was not as pleasant as today.

Chances are I found Posty through discovering PlanetBlood and it's subsequent 'Left Overs' of a forum and linking from there.

[Drakan]

I myself remember meating dearest Matt on Transfusion and discovering the Postmortem there. I can't remember exactly how though. Most likely through his signature at the time.

That sounds about right...

This place has a most welcome stay in my heart. This wolf loves each and every one of you all. Even if he's dyed his hair blue for now.

[Panoptic Blur]

Chapter Zero:

In the beginning there was the Cosmic Egg. Perfect, immutable, unyielding. Within this Cosmic Egg's mystical Eggshell were the skies, the seas, the earth, and the seeds of what would become people. The sun and moon were suspended in perfect calm within.

Then came Tchernobog, who twatted the egg and smote it sorely, scattered the albumen and rent the yolk and howled to the primordial chaos, so great was his unbearable wrath. For he was on a low-cholesterol diet and Cosmic Egg Substitute had not been invented yet.

Chapter One:

God made Adam and gave him the land to garden, the fruits to eat, and the animals to name. Adam grew lonely and asked God for a mate. God spake unto him saying "Believe in me and I shall give unto you a mate born from your rib."

Alas, the serpent came unto Adam and said "Hark not what God hath said unto you, for He is probably going to do something really lame like make a woman out of thine rib or something like that. Rather, bestoweth unto me thine rib, and I shall grant unto you something well cool and kick ass."

Adam looked upon Satan and said "What be the degree of kick ass thou speak'st of, O deceiver?"

Satan said unto Adam "The heavens will tremble, and the seas shall boil, and the mountains will crumble into the plains. And also the crocus will not bloom. 'Twill be something of a core far harder than you have ever witnessedethed. Lo, give unto me the rib, but make haste because Big Brother is on soon."

And Adam thought to himself "I'faith, I fail to see how this could possibly end poorly or go wrong in any wise whatsoever" and he gave his rib unto Satan.

Satan laughed then. "Ho ho!" quoth he, "I have the rib! Behold as I form it into thine mortal companion!"

"A woman?" asked Adam.

"KNEEL BEFORE ME," said Tchernobog as he kicked Adam unto the eggs. Adam cast upon the ground, and great were his lamentations, eructations, and warbles.

"Tee hee!" quoth Satan. "May Fortune guide thine precious 'human race' now, O nutless one. Well done Tchernobog, I now name thee One That Binds."

"BOW DOWN," said Tchernobog as he kicked Satan unto the eggs. And Satan fell from the heavens and into hell, where his punishment would be to search forever in vain for an icepack among the flames.

Chapter Two:

"Where did everybody go?" asked God.

"KNEEL!" proclaimed Tchernobog.

"Right, I'm leaving. I may be gone a while," spake God unto Creation, retreating hurriedly.

[Panoptic Blur]

Chapter Three:

Once upon a time there was a little boy who felt left out at school. His friends teased him, his teachers picked on him, and the school bus driver tied him to the front of the school bus and drove really close to the cars in front to scare him.

But then the boy sacrificially slaughtered a goat to Tchernobog and hid it in the school's ventilation systems, and the place started to smell very bad. Teachers and children couldn't stop puking up all the time and the principal wanted to end class but he couldn't because of No Child Left Behind. So the boy went to Holland and lived happily ever after selling special biscuits that you don't get in other countries. He also put his finger in the dyke and became a national hero.

Chapter Four:

Declassified documents from the Enigma transmissions indicate that by late 1942, Heinrich Himmler's command had unearthed a burial site in Upper Silesia dating back to the late Paleolithic. Though the fragmentary markings on the stones hinted at similarities to Pictish writings, current deterioration of diplomatic relations with Great Britain made it impossible for Himmler's men to determine their meaning with any degree of accuracy.

By early 1943, Nazi mystics and other self-proclaimed "experts" had excavated the entire complex and found the graves of four individuals, named "Silesia Internment" A through D. The individuals were wrapped in what was presumably funereal finery for their time. They consisted of one young adult male, one middle-aged adult male, one young adult female, and an individual of indeterminate gender - the lattermost lying over six feet tall at fullest extension.

Himmler himself had developed a morphine addiction and was unavailable to witness the exhumation, but internal reports indicate that some time between May and June 1943, his personal train carriage arrived at the village stop of Ostkirchenhof no fewer than four times.

Transcripts indicate that he was presented with the partially unwrapped corpse of Silesia Internment A. Photos show the corpse's face still preserved by the acidic conditions in the bog, frozen in a sneer or grimace.

Heinrich Himmler joked with his staff about making Silesia Internment A into a full citizen of the Third Reich, at which point the corpse opened its glowing red eyes and said, very clearly:

"I WILL EAT YOUR FAMILY."

The records go silent for a while after that.

By July 1943 Himmler had recovered the use of his voice and by August he was walking again. Himmler's command reburied the site and decided to search for more practical occult artifacts such as the spear of Longinus instead.

[Le Babe]

I don't see where it's going but this stuff is quite funny, especially the Satan's part and his curse in hell about the ice.

[Daedalus]

*Initiates slow clap.*

I myself remember meating dearest Matt on Transfusion and discovering the Postmortem there. I can't remember exactly how though. Most likely through his signature at the time.

That sounds about right...

Most likely the sig you refer to was the following:

Code: Select all

"With the Power you bring I shall throw open the Door between the Worlds and Inherit the Earth!" - Lord Tchernobog

Need a hint? Spill some at The Postmortem!

I had that one for years.

Anyway, Daedolon's elusive comment has silenced me on this one for now, so I'll just go ahead and say 'woaaahh!! This promises to be fun!'

[Daedalus]

Okay, you all took too long, so I'll let the cat out of the bag. The Posty and all that it is was spawned from the consciousness of Phosphoric Acid.